Facing Discomfort in Business
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Here is an excerpt from my forthcoming book on journaling for courage and calm for creative women in business.
I had traveled to a business conference after the birth of my second child for a refresh on my marketing. As I walked into the room, I was taken aback by something I couldn’t quite place my finger on. Something felt different in this room, compared to the many coaching conferences I had attended. By the end of the event I knew exactly what it was.
It was a smallish event by most standards - perhaps 75 to 100 people. There was a mix of ages in the audience, even skewing to more mature business owners with grey hair, modern eyeglasses and steady temperaments. There was a peaceful vibe in the room that I hadn’t noticed at other events. What was it?
Ah... and there it was: there was zero nervous tension in the room.
In coaching and small business training conferences, the name of the game is to educate, enlighten and then sell the audience into a program. The selling usually is embedded with tension, unintentional or not. The tension of not knowing enough and the hunger to learn; the tension of not being left behind by the pack and the isolation of going it alone in entrepreneurship; the tension of deciding if THIS was the right program for you to learn from and making sure you decide before the savings expires (that ends before you leave). The tension of facing the pressure of failing or succeeding... alone.
It was my first experience of being in a coaching environment that was teaching the opposite of leap and the net will catch you business advice. We were being taught to go slow to go fast. To think through things. That it takes time to grow your business. And there are stages of business to move through that cannot be skipped. Sound, solid tactics and strategies versus go big or go home teachings for the theme of the weekend.
I admit to feeling relieved AND a little deflated. Relieved that I could just BE in the room without my guard up and let go of my concerns of not quite fitting in with the "inner circle" of attendees, or making a big financial commitment. And deflated that there would be no more quick fixes and miracle cures for my business. Just sure and steady, doable progress from showing up, even when it was hard to do so. It felt similar to breaking free of diet culture. You know the diets always let you down, but you can’t help to secretly yearn for the promise of the perfect diet that solves all your problems.
It was the beginning of growing up as a business owner and letting go of the dream that everything should be easy, fun and fast.
Or, that one action would make or break my business.
Or, that everything should work out the way I planned it.
And it didn’t happen until I was already 10 years in business.
Being More in the Middle
My clients always say, "of course, I know it won't be easy-peasy". But when it comes down to it, they have a whole lot of problems with the discomfort that comes with the entrepreneurial journey and leading their creative business. Me too!
They moan and groan about how hard it is, as if it shouldn’t be that way. As a result, they ping-pong from feeling high about their business — confident and delighted about a new goal achieved — to feeling low about their business — nervous and fearful about what’s around the corner. This is exhausting and unsustainable.
Expanding Your Emotional Fuel
One of the most important (and unexpected) things I coach my clients on is how to expand the emotional repertoire that they use to fuel their business action steps.
Imagine your emotions to be like the 88 keys on a piano. Coaches and other creative women in business tend to focus on about 6 keys - mad, sad, glad, anxious, confident, scared. There is so much more emotional fuel at your disposal.
According to Brene Brown, shame and vulnerability researcher, you’ll need to play at least 30 emotional keys* to have staying power in life, and I might add, in your business too. You’ll need to explore emotions that are more in the "middle" of the emotional keyboard. Things like understanding, being curious, compassion, and even at times acceptance.
Essentially, you’ll need to allow yourself to experience and process disappointment, frustration, anxiousness, embarrassment and vulnerability. The more depth and breadth you have with your emotions in business, the more options emerge in facing anything that comes your way.
The Secret is to Expect and Plan for the Highs and Lows
In a creative business, 50% of the time you’re thinking to yourself "I can’t believe I’m being paid to do what I love" and the other 50% of the time you feel like you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. This is totally normal. Brooke Castillo, of the Life Coach School, calls this "the 50/50 of emotions."
In the beginning of your business, the 50% of the hard part is all about figuring out how to create a steady source of clients and earn a decent living. 20 years later, I know how to earn well, but there are new challenges like paying taxes at a different income bracket (gulp!), figuring out how to become a saver and have investments (new territory!) and continuously adapting to marketplace changes (unnerving!). The 50/50 never goes away.
Beyonce still has the 50/50. Taylor Swift has the 50/50. Your teachers, colleagues, mentors and guides that have gone before you still experience 50/50. It’s just different from the 50/50 of the start up days. The 50 /50 of writing your first book is different than the 50 /50 of writing the second or third book in the series. What was hard at first like - finishing the book, producing the book, marketing the book now shifts to a different kind of hard. And that’s not a bad thing.
The 50% of the challenging experiences in business allows us to feel and experience the good stuff like joy, abundance, and fun. It can be challenging when you think your progress should be something other than what it is. You fight with reality and think you’re doing it wrong because you’re in the 50/50 of the hard part. But the less we resist the hard parts, the more easily we can move through them, learn from them, grow and mature.
This is a reminder that it is not supposed to be easy-peasy at all times in your creative work. If it were it would be. Since it’s not, let’s stop expecting things to not be challenging. Let’s plan for it. Let’s plan for obstacles, set backs and discomfort, and how you might see your ideas all the way through with courage and calm.
Karin
PS - Want help with navigating your messaging, marketing and mindset? Are you a company of one and tired of the trying to go big? Visit this page to watch my intro class and see if the Happy Little Practice Method is for you. And if so, book a call here.
*Brene Brown is quoted as saying that individuals need to have access to and be familiar with 30 different emotions in order to live wholeheartedly. I adapted her teaching to apply this to small business life.