Thrashing

Last summer I was three quarters of a the way through a creative project. This was a special time, just for me and my work, to create something in the midst of a typically low energy, low focus season. I had selected something fun that I had always pushed off for more practical matters.

To my surprise, as I entered that final phase of my writing project, I became absolutely certain that what I was creating was of no good and that I would never, ever be done. So certain I was, that I grumbled and doubted my way through each morning’s 45-min block of writing time. I was in the habit of getting up at 5am to beat my family at waking and to give myself a precious hour, even during our vacation at the lake.

And yet, this phase of the writing felt awful. I struggled to find the way through creating the final pieces. Everything I reread felt trite and boring. It felt like I was in a creative maze and there was no way out. “What a fool! Who did I think I was trying to do this?! I should quit!!”

And then suddenly, I was done. Just like that, I realized I had completed my project with days to spare. I was so stunned by the abrupt change. “How could I be done? Just yesterday I was miserable!?”

It reminded me of giving birth to my children. Right before it’s time to push the baby out, all hell breaks loose. Midwives call this “the transition.” It’s like nature’s way of saying “Pay attention! Now! Baby coming!” With each birth of my two children, this transition was accompanied by my vomiting, my legs shaking uncontrollably and a deep sense of get of me outta of here! 

And then push, push, push and out comes a baby and I instantly felt such, deep sweet relief and happiness it was like none of the transition phase happened. (I’m on to you, Nature! That’s why we keep having babies. Selective memory!)

Be mindful of the thrashing in your business, right before you’re complete with a creative project. Be it fixing your marketing (did you know in the middle of marketing something new or trying a new marketing strategy, it feels deadly quiet? Keep going!), updating a website (you’re suddenly convinced a new niche would be better!), or taking on a new an endeavor (Hello self doubt!). 

This will show up in your business and it’s normal, natural and like a purge of all your doubts, fears and concerns. Plan for this. Expect it. And so when your version of thrashing shows up, it won’t stop you. 

This has been excerpt from my forthcoming book on Journaling for Courage and Calm for the Creative Women with a Business.

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